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Listening to the Heart Blog

Living, exploring, expressing, spiraling the journey of womanhood one breath at a time, one day at a time, one achievement at a time, one blessing at a time.

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Love Mandala: Integrating Equals in a Shared Consciousness

11/21/2017

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A couple of weeks ago, the above image came up on my Facebook feed reminding me of a year ago. It was the day after the election, and grief stricken, like many of us, my daughter, Sharlotte, gathered leaves, flowers, and branches of various plants and trees and created a mandala on my kitchen table.

​When I arrived home from work that day, I gasped at this exquisite creation. Time, thought, patience, a balance of color, shape, and texture united in this stunning arrangement. This was soul work. I could see it, but I could also FEEL it. Sharlotte never said this to me with words, but I experienced it energetically from the moment I came in contact with this mandala.

Recently I have been pressing into what it means to love. As parents, we sometimes think love has to do with making sure our children are going in the "right direction" --whatever that is. As conscious members of a society we think love is fighting injustice. Some religions believe love is about informing people that they are sinners that need to be "saved." I know I don't have all the answers; I want to guide my children; I'm compelled to fight injustice; and deep down, I know most religious people truly think their holy judgment is for the sake of love. And though I wrestle with how to live love, I know that love is bigger than all that we desire and think we know.

Many years ago, I was awakened by Marianne Williamson's book "A Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles." In that book, Marianne reminds us of what it says in The Course: "The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite. This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way: Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God." 

Shortly before the above picture appeared in my newsfeed, some friends of mine were hosting a retreat where a modern day mystic, Mary Reed, would be sharing her visions, thoughts, and experiences. At this retreat, I was again reminded of the nature of love.

The most important concept for me that Mary shared that day was that for millennia people have been functioning from a "love trumps hate" or "good trumps bad" model. That is, people have been waging war to make peace; fighting against fear; fighting for love. The Course's statement that "what is all-encompassing can have no opposite" was echoed in Mary's message. She reminded us that what creates shifts is acceptance, not strife. The wounded parts of us, and the world, do not need rejection, but love, and love does not reject or deny any part...love is all-encompassing.

When we can accept all of the parts that are pointy, sharp, painful, and annoying, and love them just as they are, suddenly they become a part of a singularity... They can be reimagined in a new way; an integral part of the whole; a path to healing, wholeness, and unity. 

Since the retreat with Mary I have been practicing this gently with myself, my family, my world. And as I saw the above photo show up on my screen, I realized that our individual and collective stories, emotions, and experiences are a part of a larger design; a design where each part (even the parts that are painful, sick, weak, damaged, and sad) is integral to our wholeness. Various shapes, colors, flavors, tones, weights, scents, and emotions are part of us, individually and collectively, and are not meant to be thrown out, pushed away, or judged as good or bad, but instead integrated as equals into the diverse mandala of our shared consciousness.
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Mirror Mirror

3/28/2017

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This is what I look like after dancing with the dramatic feminine*.

Settling into my body, raw and alive with thoughts, emotions, sensations. Stretching, purring, allowing myself the grace of simply being, I awaken the sleeping parts of me. I connect with my center and prepare for a journey.

Tiptoeing, then stomping into the dark shadows of my psyche, staring straight into the eyes of my deepest self--there is no judgment... just love. Straight-backed, I do not avert my glance, but persist even deeper into the truth... deeper into the core of the story and listen with an open heart. There may be sadness, pain, regret...there may be deception, manipulation, confusion, and as I witness these elements they unravel and simplify. This is how I purify--by seeing the truth of what is, having compassion for those places that dance in fear, and holding them in my loving arms.

​And my heart expands... it opens into rays of light engulfing the room in which I dance... you may not see it with your eyes, but you can feel it with your soul as I spring and spin, arms open, and voice surrendering to the movement of energy surging though my spirit. I dance wildly. I explore fearlessly. I love myself even more diligently. I open to the ALL of consciousness, and as I transmute the dense energies, I raise my vibration. And as I raise the vibration of myself, I raise the vibration of the entire world. We are mirrors. Let us resonate a harmony of healing.


*The term dramatic feminine was used by Andrew Bartlett at the end of Ecstatic Dancing the other day. The term resonated deeply, and so I use it here. 
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Profound Simplicity

3/18/2017

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Sitting before a fire, my drum nested between my thighs, conversations shifting, morphing, rising, and falling alongside guitar riffs and drum beats, I welcome the graceful gratitude rising in my spirit. I smell the wood as it transforms into heat, then ash... an incense of life transforming, and again I feel grateful. I am not a woman who needs expensive jewelry, nor the highest fashion, but my taste is impeccable and I expect the best. And what is the best?

The best is simple. I crave the raw purity of life. Scents, emotions, real thoughts and authentic moments. I don't want a show. I want an experience. I want to listen gently, and debate heartily. I want to feel the beats emerge from the space between notes. I want to watch as a participant and an observer as the music comes together and falls apart again. I tremble as the harmonica jumps unexpectedly into the conversation of rhythms, just as I smile at a comment delivered into the music of conversation. 

This simplicity is living. Humans coming together, sharing food, conversation, music, laughter, experience. Humans connecting among the interplay of earth, trees, fire, air, smoke. The embers glow. The logs shiver and shift, releasing sparks and smoke onto our clothes and into our eyes, but still we stay because we love the dance. We love the experience of living. 

Of course, we could go inside. Turn on the lights, the t.v., move a little more towards death, but we choose to be here by the fire. We choose to feel the warmth that forms when humans gather together for no other reason than to share and experience what it means to be human. I live for the simple moments. And often, the simple moments are the most profound. 

Deep gratitude for the simple gifts of fire, friendship, food, and music making this evening. Grateful for the simple. 

XO
​Suzette
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A Soul Nest

3/8/2017

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"Honoring Pisces Goddess" by Suzette Winona Summers©
Let's talk deep, soul flowing, earth thumping love. Raw. Pure. Messy. Delicious.

This past weekend I had the beautiful fortune of celebrating my Soul Sistar's 40th Birthday with a collection of individuals I adore to the core of the earth,  some of whom I have known since my 20s. As I look back on the chapters of my life and contemplate upon how each of these people are woven into the intricate fabric which is my story, I am in awe. How blessed am I to have men and women I have basically grown up with whom I love so deeply?

They know me, and I them. All of it.

They have seen me at my worst and my best, as I have seen them. I know what makes them tick, and where some may be disappointed or appalled at some of their habits, behaviors, or beliefs, we appreciate each other's differences and find each other's idiosyncrasies endearing. Truly. 

This is what happens when you risk vulnerability.

We have opened our hearts, bodies, and minds up to one another without judgment (or at least without lasting judgment). We have journeyed into darkness together to find the light. We have soaked together naked in bathtubs and hot springs, in rivers, and each other's stories. We have been out of our minds sledding and had kundalini experiences in a garage that functioned as a home for a while. We worshipped each other by sharing time gathering wood, traveling across the country, witnessing 6 ft long rattlesnakes, drumming in circles after potlucks where we prayed in backyards before eating. We dreamed up dances to celebrate spring and attuned to the energies in our hands. We healed each other with fire, smoke, prayers, breath, tears, and time.

As the years have pulsed on and we have found other rhythms and adventures, the resonance of our hearts continues to keep the beat, and when we see each other we rest in each other's arms and presence as if no space or time had passed. We live within each other. 

Leaving the gathering Saturday night I looked to one of my friends and said, "We are all so weird, wonderful, and unique. I love all of us."

We are the people unafraid to be ourselves. Actually, we may be the people unable to be anything except ourselves. This is a strange and beautiful gift in this world. One many do not understand or appreciate, but to us, we are grateful to have found one another and know that the love we have for each other is eternal, unconditional, and pure. 

I bow deeply to these sisters and brothers, and give thanks to creator for surrounding me within a soul nest of weirdos, freaks, gods, and goddesses.

​We Are LOVE Made Manifest. Aho!



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Root Medicine Man

3/1/2017

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The Radical 
Root Medicine Man
walks in search of 
high elevations and sunshine,
negative ions and water.


We chat about flat earth theories,
rhodendrons, and trees. He shows
me his favorite places, and I speak 
dreams of community as the dogs
walk beside us panting.
We share a jug of water
and our children dance
throughout our conversations.


I smell his neck
and taste his lips sweet 
with clover honey. I can’t 
get enough, but resist 
the urge to gulp,
and instead, savor


​and sip his presence like 

a piece of dark chocolate
melting on my tongue, 
or chamomile tea still
too hot to drink.


His magic hands knead
the muscles in my back
into messages of ecstasy.
I am unwound and unwoven,
deconstructed into essence
by his feral masculinity.


We breathe and weave
moments into mementos
carved within the notches 
of memory. We stretch 
and open our lungs and bodies 
to the rhythm of life. Finding 


our separate centers,

we release the dense
energy hidden in our muscles
and unite into one lung
resonating a guttural purr.


Wordlesss messages full

of meaning emerge from a primal
center and erupt with force 
and spiraling light
striving for the unknown 
nutrients at the core of life.

                      ~Suzette Winona Summers


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Avian Chatter

2/24/2017

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There is a community living above us
In the trees. They philosophize
with singing over our heads
in the balmy pre-dawn day.
​                        ~Suzette Winona Summers

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Morning Meditation for Me

2/14/2017

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Some days begin with birdsong and some days begin with tears, some begin with resistance, and some begin with a breath of magic... I am open to receive. I am open to guidance. I love myself to the core of my being. All of me. The messiness. The ugliness. The fear. The anger. The beauty. The love. The insecurity and the confidence. The terrified child and the powerful medicine woman. I embrace all of it. I embrace all of me. I am so in love with Suzette and the life she continues to clumsily and gracefully dance through. Continuing to step forward in faith. Continuing to honor the wild wolf woman who howls in my heart and gnaws through the societal collars. I am free!
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Woven Within

2/10/2017

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This beautiful planet within which we are woven
pulses and vibrates sustaining all life.
Every day I see wonders, and I wonder
why we resist the divine flow.
Why we attempt to wrestle the beauty of LIFE
into submission. She will never concede.
She will #resist. She will continue 
to weave her magic into fabric of creation
until we remember we are a thread of magic
ourselves. We are the light of the divine.
And there will be a point
​where we will surrender
into grace. 

~Suzette Winona Summers
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The Pros and Cons of Preparing to be Underwhelmed

1/29/2017

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The stone outcropping B mentioned wanting to get to that morning. Photo taken from Natural Bridge.
After having talked on the phone the past couple of weeks, I met a new friend for the first time in person this weekend. We decided to meet at the Natural Bridge State Park to enjoy the scenery and hikes offered in the area. I was hoping for snow, but knew it was a long shot considering the warm weather this winter.

When you prepare to meet someone for the first time, I think it is healthy to keep expectations low. After all, our creative minds can generate an entire grand image from a picture and a few words. That being said, having low expectations, or not striving to get to the marrow can allow you to settle...and you should NEVER settle for less than is available. 

When my friend, who I'll call "B," suggested Natural Bridge State Park, I immediately agreed. I have wanted to visit this wonder for several years, and have never gotten around to making it there.

I arrived at 7pm on Friday night, not knowing what to expect regarding lodging, or this new acquaintance. B had called from a land line earlier to let me know there was no phone/internet service there, and that I could find the cabin myself or go to the lodge. I chose the latter since I had no clue where I was going. I parked the car at the lodge and prepared to go in to find out where B was located. I noticed a blue Subaru in the lot, and had an inkling that was B's car, but was not sure. As I was walking into the lodge, B was walking out, and acknowledged me with a warm smile. Ok, so far, so good. I arrived on time, met him immediately upon arriving, and discovered we were staying in a sweet little cabin. We ate cake (for B's birthday) and played question games as we delved into learning more about one another. Having kept my expectations low, I was pleased at how the weekend was beginning.  

The next day we went for a short hike and while driving around B pointed out a stone outcropping high above the tree line  and mentioned a desire to get there. Without skipping a beat I said, "I bet we can get there," and left it at that. After a short hike with B's dogs, we moved to a room in the lodge, took a short rest, and prepared for another hike.

Journeying out again, we drove around a bit looking for a spot where we could hike. Finally, I said I wanted to go to the Natural Bridge. B agreed, but mentioned that he thought I was going to be disappointed by it. Unbeknownst to me, B had been there before and had believed the natural bridge was a small wood plank and rope bridge over a little creek-- some tourist activity. When I saw this bridge, I knew this could not be correct, and looked around. Immediately, I spotted a trail marker that said .75 miles to the Natural Bridge. I pointed this out and we began walking.

After only a few hundred feet we stopped at the next marker because we had B's dog and the sign at the trail head said "No Pets." As we stood there trying to decide what to do, B noticed my car parked in a nearby parking lot. Ha! Conveniently, we ended up right next to our room. B dropped the dog off at the room and we continued up the trail.

As we hiked more and more beauty was revealed: green-blue pitted cliff faces, microclimates of mosses and caves, clusters of rhododendron bushes, waves of color in sandstone overhangs. I could feel myself relaxing into the magic of nature.

Finally, we came to a spot under the sandstone bridge with a lookout high over all the trees. B and I both rested there and drank in the fresh mountain air and the scenery, as the wind pulsed with gusts. After a while I looked at B and said, "Are you ready to get going?" thinking we could continue on to the Natural Bridge. He responded, "No. What do you mean?" It was then, that I realized he thought we had reached our destination.

I pointed to the narrow natural staircase guiding us up even farther. He chuckled, and with a smile  of surprise and delight, he got up and followed me. The view from the top of Natural Bridge was breathtaking. I think B's mind was blown, as was mine.

Standing on top of this sandstone bridge we could see for miles, the wind was gusting even stronger, and there was an overarching sense of awe. Taking it all in, B pointed to a stone outcropping and noted there were people over there. I immediately recognized it as the one B had pointed at earlier in the day when we were driving in the car far below where we stood now. 

Not only did we end up making it to the spot B mentioned wanting to get to earlier in the day, we got to other outcroppings and sweet spots neither of us had anticipated. And as we walked the dogs on the final morning there, it began to snow... light, peaceful flakes thickened to a steady stream for a while. Nothing close to significant accumulation, but still!

Overall, it was a fun adventure, and an intriguing lesson to see how each of us prepared to be underwhelmed in different ways, and had our expectations exceeded.

That being said, I think it is even more important to note that preparing to be underwhelmed can also leave one settling for a plank and rope bridge when with a little more exploration, intention, and openness one can manifest hopes and dreams that may have, at one time, seemed unimaginable or unattainable.

When you continue to believe in the potential of your dreams, and you step towards your desires, life continues to unfurl like a flower to the sun, saying, "Yes."

​So, dream big, honor your desires, and follow through by stepping into them... even if you stumble, or get lost, or feel like there is no way you can get to that outcropping. The path is there, and it is waiting to be found.
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Giving a Voice to Chaos: Ecstatic Dancing to Peace

9/19/2016

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Altar at Ecstatic Dance 9/18/2016
Every Sunday since November 8 we have been gathering to dance with the intention of raising the vibration of the planet. We gather, call in the directions, and create a sacred container within which we are encouraged to explore what is alive for us in the moment.

We call this time together Ecstatic Dancing.

The term conjures images of complete abandon and delight, and I would venture to say it does... but, perhaps not always in the ways most imagine.

Nietzsche said, "You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star."

No matter how calm and together we humans may appear on the surface, at this point in our collective evolution there exist myriad chaos storms traversing our interior landscapes each day. Driving on trafficked highways, the daily threats to our water supply, hatred, racial and social inequality, raising children, striving to pay bills, acute aches, chronic diseases, and psychological challenges, to name a handful, stress our bodies and minds, and leave our souls swirling in a state ranging from a general anxiety to full on panic. 

Much of these thoughts, feelings, and experiences are cloaked in smiling faces, or confident demeanors... we have been taught to "never let them see you sweat." But in our Ecstatic Dance time together participants are encouraged to allow whatever is present and alive within them in each moment out.

Allow your body to stretch, shake, spin, do handstands, or jump. Allow your voice to moan, howl, yip, scream, laugh, or cry. Allow your soul to grieve, celebrate, or live in the question. Allow what is alive in the moment for you to express itself. 

In The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron there is an exercise called "The Morning Pages." The idea is that each morning you wake up and write three pages of stream of consciousness writing, that functions to train your mind to quiet the "editor mind" or the critical mind. It also functions as a  way of cleansing the channel to allow clearer thought to move.

Similar to "The Morning Pages," Ecstatic Dance provides a sacred space to explore different movements within our human being-ness. It allows all the chaos building up within us over time to purge, to express. It is a space where one can surrender to the chaos and allow it to move through one's being...no judgment... no inhibitions... a safe place to shake it all out and find what is left at the center... the dancing star.

I have danced every Sunday (with a few exceptions) for almost a year now, and I can attest to this powerful medicine of dance. There are life challenges. There are frustrations. There is traffic, and children, and bills to pay. There are fears, and stressors, and joyful moments too, and every Sunday I have a place to process, explore, and move through these landscapes. I have moved through weeping, yelling, spinning, and laughing all in one session.

I have heard people say, "I'm not a good dancer," but I must stress that it is not about dancing, it is about loving yourself enough to allow your truth to be made visible. Yes, it is called "dancing," but that term is used loosely. It is not a performance. It is not a competition. It is about creating space where each voice/thought/feeling/movement living within you is seen as valuable and has a space to express itself with dignity. 

Channels open and energy is moved. It is divine connection. It is sacred. I believe more of this type of medicine is needed in the world right now because peace begins within, and there is no peace without first giving space for the chaos to have its voice. 

Life can be scary, dangerous, and overwhelming: this is the chaos we dance with each day. And though it is challenging, it can be used as a blessing and pathway for transformation and honing our skills of delving deeper into creator's arms. Ecstatic Dancing is a beautiful vehicle for accessing the sacred, for moving through the realms of chaos into the sweetness of peace and connection with other humans exploring their humanity.

Come dance with us, delve deeper into your being, and welcome your human-ness to a place at the table of life. We will gather and hold space for you to explore and discover the dancing star you are at the center of your being. 

With love and compassion,
Suzette Winona Summers


* After re-reading this, I see that it is a very general picture. I will write another post soon, that is much more specific about the environment and rhythm of the experience, including the opening, closing, and music selections primarily created by my co-rhythm-keeper Catherine. 



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    Suzette Winona Summers M.A. is a mother, writer, artist, and circler of women following the call of her heart to empower herself, her sisters, and the world. Suzette embraces her purpose of birthing a new world through one breath at a time, one step at a time, walking through fear, disappointments, and difficulties into the light of a new day. 

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